My Next Phase - New Member Tips

The My Next Phase Newsletter - Volume 6

Ch-Ch-Changes: Marriage, Childbirth, Retirement(?)

When you got engaged, you got all kinds of advice - about things you never knew you needed to know, and from some unexpected sources. Carats and cut. The best place to register. The dress, the tux, the honeymoon. Your Uncle Jack, your future cousin-in-law Barbara, your best friend from college - everyone, it seemed, had an opinion, or wanted to get involved in some way.

On to your next likely life transition: the arrival of your first child. This time, you knew you needed help, that the questions far outnumbered the answers. Maybe your mother or mother-in-law, or an older sibling moved in. Maybe you hired some short-term help. Regardless, you were likely surrounded by people willing and able to guide you through the great unknown.

When was the last time you heard of someone commandeering the guest bedroom to help a friend or close family member get through their transition to retirement? Even picking up the phone just to ask, "Hey, how's it going?"

You probably haven't. Most of us don't perceive retirement as the major life change it truly is. Some say retirement ranks with divorce, or death of a spouse or other close loved one in terms of ripple effects and life-changing potential. (Think of retirement as the death of a working life, and the analog works even harder.)

That's not to say people don't come to realize retirement is a big transition.

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Unfortunately, for many, that awareness occurs too late, only after they've retired, and learned the hard way how many changes leaving work behind brings.

What things can you expect to see change? For starters: your time structure (work no longer sets your daily agenda); your relationship with your spouse or partner, and other close family; your friends and your broader social network; how your favorite "leisure" activities take on new meaning and shape. For some, golf, played every day, quickly moves from favorite thing to unhealthy work replacement.

Speaking of golf, we had a client who failed at his first crack at retirement, when he got precisely what long pined for: at least 18 holes, six days a week." He played, and played, and soon found himself mired in a retirement sand trap no wedge could rescue him from. The problem? Most of his regular golf buddies were still working, and he had a hard time getting a good foursome. Going to the course every day started to feel like work - a kind that neither filled his social needs, nor left him with feeling of accomplishment. Rather, it made him feel isolated and depressed.

Fast forward to the happy ending: This fellow now runs the driving range at his club. He spends his days getting free advice from the club pros, and gets invited to round out foursomes with the right kinds of partners. He has a whole new social network, with some great fringe benefits - the employee discount at the pro shop (which he applied to a killer new set of clubs), and a paycheck he never new he'd get, doing something he loves.

As we say so often in this space and throughout the My Next Phase program, awareness is paramount. Planning a fulfilling retirement best starts by enhancing your self-awareness, focusing on the personality traits most germane to planning behavior. Becoming aware that starting a new life in retirement starts with a period of transition and change is a necessary, next step.

When that realization occurs, you may feel liberated to try new and different things in early retirement - to sample from a well-thought-out menu, if you will, and learn what tastes best through experience. On the flipside, your personality may dictate a more measured approach, starting from a tighter core of pursuits that are, or that at least feel more familiar.

Before you settle into your next phase, you need to prepare for and navigate the transitional period. If you understand which of your (in My Next Phase parlance) life domains will change during this time and how your personality -- specifically your stress style -- will respond to those changes, you've taken a major step towards a smooth transition. My Next Phase's life change inventory and index are good ways to start down this road.

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