Weathering The Storm
How Your Stress Style Matters

There is simply no playbook for the circumstances we find ourselves in today. The financial crisis has brought a kind of change and pressure few of us have experienced, or could have expected. Some fear losing a home, others a job. Many of us know someone who has. We're all tightening our belts, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

Difficult times increase tensions at work, at home, within our families and among our friends. Our individual Stress Style determines how much stress we experience from pressures and changes in our lives, and how we manage it. Stress Style is a major determinant of personality, and ranges from Responsive to Mixed to Resilient. Now is a good time to take a closer look at yours.

Without knowing it, you may have already learned something about your Stress Style in how you've responded to the constant flow of negative economic news. And, in how the financial events themselves actually affect your current lifestyle or prospects, versus your perceptions of their impact. For better or worse, you can't fundamentally change your Stress Style. But understanding your own style can help you cope.

You may remember the scene in Jurassic Park, where the Jeep driver gazes in his side view mirror to glimpse a Tyrannosaurus Rex. The dino looks small and distant in that mirror, right above the etched "Objects may be closer than they appear" disclaimer. Not so for the Jeep's passengers, however, who through the rear window gaze the real thing, real size: a huge and toothy T-Rex, looming right above.

If you have a Resilient Stress Style, you tend to see problems in that side view mirror: smaller than they really are. On the plus side, a Resilient Stress Style individual can withstand great pressure. On the downside, these types often take on more than they can manage - or, they underestimate risk -- and may eventually pay a price for overextending themselves.

If you have a Responsive Stress Style, you see problems with a magnifying glass. Sensitivity to changes in your life tends to consume energy, can throw you off balance. Generally speaking, you don't easily put disappointments, unwelcome surprises and setbacks behind you. You may benefit from extra sources of emotional support to help you through tough times.

If you have a Mixed Responsive/Resilient Stress Style, you see problems either in their right proportion, or in a changing mirror. As long as you don't face too many challenges, they'll seem manageable. But when you experience more pressure than you can easily handle, your mirror might switch to magnifying mode, and you'll suddenly feel overwhelmed.

Know that one style is not better than the other; it's just a fact of who we are. It's what we do with the information that matters.

At high-stress times like now, contrasts in Stress Style, and the conflict they cause, can be readily seen in marriages and other long-term relationships.

Consider Mr. And Mrs. Smith: two successful professionals, still in good, if no longer stellar, financial health, each equally aware of their portfolio. Both around 50 years old.

Mrs. Smith lets the daily news wash over her, spends little time checking the Dow on cnbc.com. She figures under the worst scenario, they'll work longer than originally planned to recover. Psychologically, she is already moving on.

Mr. Smith, on the other hand, can't let it go. He calls her at 4pm most every day the market closes down, fresh with "what should we do?" pleas. Some days she'll indulge him for a while, but on others, when her schedule is packed tight, she slams down the phone, shaking her head. They have a good, mostly paid for roof over their heads. Why can't he just let it go?

He, in marked contrast, can't understand where her cavalier attitude comes from, and why she can't realize the depth of their problems.

You might already see how knowing their own - and each other's - Stress Style could help ease the conflict. Likely, Mr. Smith could greatly benefit from his wife's empathy, and for the feelings of support it brings. They both would be helped by his understanding that her higher threshold doesn't mean she's not in touch with the times, and hasn't thought about what may be necessary.

That known, there could be healthy discussion about potential impact and options, and how (and if) they might engage their financial advisor or other professional in the process.

It's no less important for people living on their own, who may need to tap outside resources to deal with uneasy feelings (if Responsive). Or, to understand precisely where they stand financially, and what, if any, remedial steps may be necessary (if Resilient).

At the end of the day, remember to make decisions from information and strength, not fear and weakness. Fear clouds decision-making, and anxiety interferes with logical, rational thought. Knowing your Stress Style can help.

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